Maybe we weren’t the most compatible or ready to be together. We were both complicated people with broken pasts. We still had problems to work out and were still a bit damaged in the present. But all of those worries and fears disappeared when I saw his smile.
He smiled as if he was shy about his happiness, but not in a bad way. He was just more reserved about showing it. You could say it was a crooked smile, almost as if he was smirking without being malicious. One corner always turned up a little more than the other. When he was genuinely happy it reached his eyes. A small shine of happiness you could physically see.
That’s what melted my heart the most. Seeing him truly happy. My heart would nearly stop for a second before racing and almost beating out of my chest. I would protect that smile with everything in me. I wanted to fight every single day to see his smile. I wanted to wake up every morning to it.
I’m not sure if it’s love or just being in love. Or maybe I’m crazy. But the way his smile makes me forget about everything for just a few seconds is breathtaking. My anxiety melts away. My depression is long gone. Anything bad is suddenly a million miles away.
And that’s just one aspect about him that I love so much.
His grin is wide and ecstatic. You can see the excitement dancing in his eyes. His grumpy frown when he just wakes up. His eyes barely open. His rigid jaw when he’s angry, his eyes avoiding me because he knows I’ll see the real pain behind the mask. When he’s depressed I feel myself breaking. His eyes dull and they lose their light. He doesn’t frown but his expression turns cold and hard, as if he’s concentrating on numbing the pain. When he cries my world falls apart until I pick myself up to help him. His eyes red and bloodshot, the pain clearly visible. But looking deeper you can see him shattering. You can see all of the pain he’s ever endured, all of the depression rushing in at once. The tears spilling out over his cheeks. His frown. His eyes change as they look at me and I see him calling out to me seeking comfort.
He has a teasing side too. He smiles that crooked smile, with more of a playful smirk. His eyes will dance with excitement, encouraging me to tease back. He’s confident and bold, knowing exactly what my reaction will be. He knows he’s going to stop my heart for a brief moment before the adrenaline kicks in. When the adrenaline hits me my breathing will become shallow, uneven. My eyes smoldering with lust and affection. My cheeks turn a deep pink. And he smiles that irresistible smile.
I love the honesty about him the most. He never hides his emotions, even when he wants to. He can avoid the subject or refuse to talk about it but I can read him like an open book. He’s emotional, yet strong and confident. He’s capable, yet admits when he needs helps. He admits to his faults. He’s selfless and often forgets about his own well being for others. He hates injustice and respects people despite different backgrounds. He can be distant when it comes to love due to past grief but once you get past the surface he’s the most loving partner to have.
I would do anything to take away that pain and see that smile of his. His happiness means the world to me and one day I hope to gain his love.